Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
