How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
