so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Holy shit dude........stairs
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
