I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
