You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
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