Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
