3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
