My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
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