dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
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