Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
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