he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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