u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
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