I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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