I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
