I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
