I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Randomize
