At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
