I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
