I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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