She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
