found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
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