i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
