Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
