porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
