I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
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