Someone shit on the floor
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
