He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
