Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
