i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Randomize
