Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
