remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
