i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
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She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
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although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
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