i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
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