imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
