what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Randomize
