dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
