just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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