you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
