I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
