btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Randomize
