mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
