Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
