never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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