Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
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