apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
