If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
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