I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
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