Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Randomize
