The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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