Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
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