His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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