Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Randomize
