Can Purell be used as lube?
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
