on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
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