mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Randomize
