I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
