So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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