Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
