I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
When are your genitals available?
Randomize
