I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize