you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
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