new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
