I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
