True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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