The brown eye won't let me do that either.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
