lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
