Whats the glycemic index on semen?
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
