i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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