"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
