Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Randomize
