His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
